All I Found Was You
by Shauna3
Summary: Rory has just graduated from Yale. She comes home to a party...and Jess. Chapter 12!
1. The Party

Disclaimer: I only own the story that I'm applying to the characters that I don't own from the TV show that I also don't own.  
  
AN: Ok this is my first fanfic. I have a lot more of this story written out and so updates will be soon. This chapter just had to get things set up so it will get better. R&R please!  
  
Rory's car pulls up outside her house. Lorelai and Luke come running out to her.  
  
"Rory!!!" Lorelai screams enthusiastically. They hug.  
  
"Hey mom! Hey Luke" Rory and Luke hug. Rory struggles to pull her suitcases out of her trunk.  
  
"Hey Rory...here let me help you with that," Luke offers. He begins to help her unload her belongings.  
  
Rory smiles. "Thanks!"  
  
"Ok we have to hurry. You shower and change. You have a party waiting." Lorelai begins pulling Rory inside "But..." Rory motions to her car that is still being unpacked by Luke. Lorelai flashes Luke her most charming smile. "Don't worry he's go it, come on."  
  
"Yeah don't worry about me," Luke mumbles sarcastically.  
  
Lorelai and Rory giggle and start chatting as they head inside.  
  
---------------  
  
Everyone is celebrating at Lorelai and Sookie's inn. It's very crowded and loud. Lorelai, Luke and Rory enter.  
  
"Wow" Rory said obviously impressed.  
  
"I know," Lorelai smiled. "It started with a list of just close friends and then all of a sudden your second cousins twice removed were being added."  
  
Emily and Richard walk up.  
  
"Grandma! Grandpa!" Rory kisses them both on the cheek.  
  
"Lorelai. Luke." Emily greets.  
  
"Hi Mom, hi Dad. Excuse me for a minute I'm going to go check on Sookie."  
  
Luke, suddenly abandoned, begins to panic. "Yeah. I'm. umm.I'm going to. um. Jackson!!" He waves to Jackson and walks away.  
  
Emily stares after him. "Your mother has the strangest friends."  
  
"I can't believe how many people are here," Rory says trying to bring the conversation back to safe territory.  
  
Richard smiles. "Well I'm sure it's because they're all as proud of you as we are. Graduating from Yale was enough, but valedictorian is remarkable. We have something very special for you later."  
  
----------  
  
Lorelai is walking through the crowd but someone steps in front of her.  
  
"Christopher!"  
  
"Hey Lorelai"  
  
"Wow, you made it, and on time!" She smiles at him proudly.  
  
"Heh, yep, getting good in my old age. So, where's Rory?" He glances around the room.  
  
"I left her with Richard and Emily not long ago... where's Sherry?" Lorelai asks not really caring about the answer.  
  
"Georgia wasn't feeling too good so they're up in the room."  
  
Lorelai nods, "Ah... well."  
  
Luke walks over, "Nice abandoning me with your parents."  
  
Lorelai's face lights up seeing Luke. "Hey I left you with my buffer."  
  
"Rory was no help with my escaping."  
  
Christopher, who had been watching this exchange, finally speaks. "Luke, right?" He extends his hand.  
  
Luke nods and shakes it. "Christopher," he says in greeting.  
  
This was followed by a moment of uncomfortable silence. Suddenly a loud crash is heard from the kitchen. "LOR?!" Sookie's voice calls out.  
  
"Uh oh..." Lorelai runs off to find out what happened, once again abandoning Luke, this time with Christopher.  
  
"Well, I should." Luke starts.  
  
Christopher interrupts him. "I've been wanting to thank you."  
  
Luke stares at him in confusion. Christopher continues difficultly, "I wanted to thank you for all that you do for them, for doing the things that I should have been around to do. Thank you for being a father to Rory when I couldn't do it."  
  
Luke, taken off guard, simply nods. Watching Lorelai reemerge from the kitchen, Christopher adds one more thing. "You know, you're a very lucky man."  
  
His eyes widen, once he realizes that Christopher is referring to how close he and Lorelai have become. He opens his mouth to protest and say there is nothing going on between them, but Christopher just smiles knowingly and walks away.  
  
----------  
  
Rory has settled in by the appetizers with Lane.  
  
"I can't believe that your mom has warmed up to Dave that much."  
  
Lane looks like she is going to burst with happiness. " I know! I guess she is realizing how happy I am."  
  
Before Rory can reply, Dean, his wife, and two "mini-Deans" walk up. Rory, surprised, greets them. "Oh, hey, I didn't know you were here."  
  
"Yeah, we just stopped in. We're on our way up to visit her parents so we can't stay." Lindsay smiles.  
  
Rory's attention turns toward the kids. "Wow they look exactly like you."  
  
Dean smiles. "Yeah... well anyway we just wanted to say congratulations. We had better get going though."  
  
"Okay well it was nice seeing you guys." Rory smiles until they walk away.  
  
Lane, with and evil expression says, "Hey, can you imaging if you stayed with him? Those could be your little Dean clones."  
  
Rory pretends to gag. "Well if I ever had any doubts before I know now that us breaking up was a very good thing. That's just sick. I'd be surrounded by little bag boys."  
  
Rory scans the crowd. Her thoughts appear to be elsewhere. "This is all too much, I think I'm going to go for a walk."  
  
Lane looks worriedly at the expression on Rory's face. "Um, want me to come with you?"  
  
Rory puts on a fake smile and shakes her head. "Nah I just want to get some fresh air and think. I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed."  
  
Rory makes her way out the door. Being back in Starshollow always felt strange. After Jess had left nothing seemed to change. It was almost as if he was never there. Sometimes she had to look through her books to find the ones he made notes for her in just to prove to herself that it hadn't all been a dream. She meant what she had said to him at graduation. She did love him. He was always in the back of her thoughts. Every time she read a book she wondered what Jess would think as he read it. It was like a part of him stayed behind and continued with her in her mind. 


	2. I Just Never Knew What To Say

Disclaimer: I only own the story that I'm applying to the characters that I don't own from the TV show that I also don't own.  
  
This chapter's going to be kind of short but it has to be on it's own.  
  
Rory sits on the bridge dangling her legs over the bridge, her sundress billowing in the wind. She couldn't believe how everything in this town had stayed the same. Sure the people got a little older but really that was about it.  
  
Seeing Dean upset her a little. Not because she wanted to be with him, or have his kids, but just because he seemed so grown up. Would she ever get to that point? Would she ever find someone to marry and have kids with? There was only one person she had ever been able to see herself as having a serious future with and he . well who knows where he was.  
  
"Don't you have a party you're supposed to be at?" A familiar voice breaks her concentration. Rory, surprised, almost falls off the bridge.  
  
"Jess." her voice is barely audible.  
  
Jess takes a step toward her but continues to maintain his distance. He's dressed neatly and although he looks a little more mature he doesn't seem to have changed much.  
  
"Congratulations," He says as though he'd never left.  
  
"Jess...why are you back?"  
  
"I got you something," Jess says dodging her question. He wanted to keep conversation light until she allowed the idea of him being there to sink in. She was never very good at handling surprises. He hands her a neatly wrapped gift.  
  
Rory stares into his eyes for a moment trying to read him. She was searching for any clue to answer her question. Finally she succumbs and takes the package.  
  
"Does anyone know you're here?"  
  
Still not breaking eye contact Jess replies, "You do."  
  
"Jess." Her tone was slightly impatient.  
  
"No." His eyes finally break from hers and wander across the water.  
  
"So why aren't you at your party?" He tries to turn the conversation back to her.  
  
"I just needed some time to think . and breathe. It was really overwhelming in there.  
  
Jess nods understandingly.  
  
Looking into his eyes Rory suddenly feels eighteen again. How is it that he can still make me feel this way? The thought aroused both curiosity and anger.  
  
"I should get back." She stands up and turns to leave.  
  
"Rory wait..." His voice betrays him and comes out sounding desperate.  
  
Her head snaps back toward him. "What?" The word sounds a little harsher then she means it.  
  
"I just..." his voice trails off as he struggles to find the right words.  
  
She responds anyway. "What? You just what? You want to talk? Now? You disappear for four years and you just stroll back into my life wanting to talk? It's a little late for talking."  
  
Jess stares into her eyes. "That's not fair." This pushes her too far.  
  
"Not fair?" She's screaming now. Tears begin to escape from her eyes as she goes on. "Not fair! What's not fair is that at eighteen my boyfriend disappeared. You just left. You didn't say a word about it to me first... you were just gone. And you want to know the sad part?? The sad part is that for the first two years of Yale, I actually thought you would come back. I actually thought I'd get a letter, or a phone call, something to at least tell me you were okay and that maybe, just maybe there were a couple thoughts of me in that thick head of yours." Her anger suddenly turns to sadness and she breaks down. "You said you'd call..."  
  
Jess steps toward her timidly.  
  
"Rory. I did.I just never knew what to say."  
  
He brushes a tear off her cheek.  
  
For a moment her eyes betray her and he can see all the love that he once saw in them. The love quickly changes to panic at his touch and she runs away. Jess collapses back onto the bridge.  
  
---------  
  
Rory arrives back at the inn and heads straight for the bathroom to fix herself up. As she bursts through the door she runs directly into Lorelai.  
  
"Rory, oh my god, what's wrong? Did Dean say something?" She had noticed them talking earlier.  
  
" No... Just. don't worry, I'm fine." She attempts to put on a fake smile.  
  
Lorelai locks the bathroom door. "No. Talk. Now."  
  
Rory sighs. "It's just. I went for a walk. and.Jess is back." Rory begins to cry again.  
  
"What? Jess as in Luke's hoodlum nephew Jess? As in disappearing Jess?"  
  
Rory just sniffs in response.  
  
**Oh look I took the Band-Aid off  
  
Did I take it off too soon?  
  
Hysterical confession  
  
My big courageous move**  
  
(Comforting Lie- No Doubt) 


	3. I Can’t Let Him Back In

Disclaimer: I only own the story that I'm applying to the characters that I don't own from the TV show that I also don't own.  
  
AN: Wow... Like I said this is my first fan fic and so I just wanted to thank you all for all the reviews. I'm so happy you guys are enjoying this. Reading those reviews definitely makes me want to update faster so keep them coming!!  
  
Jess and Luke stare at each other across a table in the diner. Jess is drinking coffee and Luke is drinking tea. After a long period of silence Luke speaks.  
  
"Why are you back?"  
  
Jess puts on a fake sweet smile, "I missed your smiling face."  
  
Ignoring him, Luke says "Listen Rory's got everything going for her right now. If you're coming back to..."  
  
Jess interrupts, "Calm down. I just finished what I had to do. Now can I stay for a little while or not?"  
  
Luke shrugs, "Whatever."  
  
"Good."  
  
Jess puts his empty cup in the sink and heads towards the stairs. Luke shakes his head wondering if he should have let him come back so easily. At the bottom of the stairs Jess turns back.  
  
"I had to go, you know. I wasn't able to stop him the first time he left me, I couldn't let him get away so easily this time." He continues up the stairs.  
  
Luke sits for a while by himself trying to take in all that has happened that day. 'What was Christopher implying when he said I was lucky? Was he suggesting that I had feelings for her or was it possible that he thought she had feelings for me? I wonder what Lorelai would say I she knew that he had thanked me. We have gotten so close since Rory's been away, will that change now? What about Jess? Why is he here? Poor Rory. She seemed so upset after seeing him. Well things are going to be different this time. He will work. He will make something of himself. He's an adult now. He will act like it." Luke put his head down on the table, defeated by all the events of the day.  
  
------  
  
Rory sat on her bed staring at the package that was sitting about a foot away from her. "How could he just show up like this? Four years is a long time to be away. He was probably off having sex with a bunch of sluts in California and now when he decides he's bored of that he shows back up expecting.what? What does he expect from me? The whole thing really messed me up. I went to Yale. Yale was supposed to be this great place full of other smart interesting people. I was supposed to meet people who loved to read and learn. Instead it seemed like another Chilton. The courses were great, but the people seemed like they were just there to say they graduated from Yale. I dated, I went to parties and mingled, but to be honest all the guys bored me. Everyone I met was either a spoiled rich kid only there because that's where Daddy graduated from or, well, kind of nerdy. I never met anyone like Jess before. I guess I can't help comparing every other guy I meet to him. That's not really a bad thing. I think Jess was a good person. Shouldn't anyone else I'm with at least compare to that? Now he's back. What am I supposed to say to him? Am I supposed to act like nothing happened? Like he didn't break my heart? I can't let him back in. Look what happened with my parents. Just when things seemed perfect my dad went off to marry his girlfriend who suddenly turned up pregnant.'  
  
Lorelai appears in the doorway. "Rory, honey, I don't think they taught you how to unwrap things just by staring at them in Yale."  
  
Rory looks up, startled. How long had she been staring?  
  
Lorelai sighed. "Why don't you just open it?  
  
She wished it were that simple. Opening this would be like opening all those emotions that she packed away for four years. It was an invitation to the past. a past that was best kept buried.  
  
"Um, I think it's better I just leave it for now."  
  
Lorelai smiled, "OR I could open it for you. I mean I think you're forgetting that regardless of who it's from it's still a present and we LOVE presents."  
  
"Remember when you and Max didn't get married and you insisted on finding out who gave you guys the ice cream maker because you just had to return it?"  
  
Lorelai nodded. Rory was trying to move on.  
  
"I still opened it." Rory glared at her.  
  
"So that means you're going to return it?"  
  
"I guess I should." The girls hug.  
  
Rory and Lorelai enter Luke's and take a seat. Lorelai had offered to bring breakfast home to Rory, but Rory insisted on coming with her. She still hadn't figured out how to handle the whole situation, but she didn't want Jess to think that she was avoiding him. She didn't want him to think that she still cared enough to avoid him.  
  
Rory watched Jess making coffee behind the counter. He always seemed so intense even when doing something that simple.  
  
"What'll it be?" Luke's voice interrupts her thoughts.  
  
Seeing that Luke noticed her watching Jess, Rory blushes. "Um, pancakes and coffee would be good." Luke nods solemnly, still worn out from the day before, and walks away.  
  
Jess could feel her eyes watching him. Every move he made was followed. He didn't have to look because her eyes were like lasers. They were unforgiving. He cringed. He threw a glance her way just to show her that she had been caught and turned to Luke. "I'm going to take a break." Luke, who wanted to keep as much distance between Jess and Rory as possible until he could evaluate Jess's current situation, was happy to agree. Jess headed out the door. He lit a cigarette as he walked. He had started smoking again when he got to California. Mostly it was because he didn't know what else to do.  
  
Rory hadn't opened her gift yet. He knew this because she would have said something He didn't know exactly how she'd react but he was pretty positive that she would react. Until then, he knew that direct contact would be too much for her. He decided to just make himself approachable and throw the rest to fate. He didn't like this idea, after all fate had screwed him in the past, but it was all he could do. 


	4. A Genetic Weakness

Disclaimer: I only own the story that I'm applying to the characters that I don't own from the TV show that I also don't own.  
  
AN: Once again thank you all so much for the feedback!!! You guys are great!!  
  
Rory comes home from a long day of shopping with Lorelai. As she walks into her room to deposit her shopping bags, she let out a startled cry. Of course the package was exactly where she had left it, in the middle of her bed, but for a few blissful hours of shopping she had almost forgotten about the Jess situation, almost.  
  
She had spent the past few days trying not to think about him, but everyday she caught glimpses of him at the diner, and everyday she moved the package between her desk and her bed, saying that would be the day she would return it. She hadn't yet returned it for two main reasons. The first one being that to return it she would have to go near him, speak to him even. The second reason was she was really curious. There was a part of her that still loved Jess and wanted to keep anything that had to do with him close to her. Of course trying to deny that fact was another reason she had yet to open it.  
  
Lorelai had noticed the systematic moving of the package in Rory's room but decided it was best not to mention it. She knew that this was something that Rory had to deal with on her own, even though it killed her to stay quiet while Rory was going through such a hard time. She hadn't had any encounters with Jess yet, which she decided was a good thing since she didn't know what to say to him. Luke didn't seem to know anymore then they did. He only told her that Jess had been helping him out at the diner and that he appeared to have changed while he was away. He didn't really know how yet and he didn't know what Jess's plans were.  
  
Rory takes a timid step toward the package. Sighing she picks it up and turns to put it in its alternate spot on the desk. Right before it drops from her hands she freezes.  
  
"I can't do this anymore," she says to herself aloud. "Suck it up Gilmore either return it or open it."  
  
'I think I've known all along I couldn't return it, at least before knowing what it is.' Full of determination, she begins to unwrap it.  
  
"Rory?" Lorelai calls from the kitchen.  
  
Her mothers voice breaking her concentration, she drops the package. "Yeah?" she calls back, not really wanting her mother to see that she's decided to open the package.  
  
"Honey I'm going to the inn, Michel called and said that they need me. I'll try to be home early but no promises."  
  
"Ok bye mom!"  
  
'Oh god I hope this isn't breakable.' As soon as the door shuts she continues to open the package. Staring down, she lets out a small gasp.  
  
**  
  
All I Found Was You  
  
By, Jess Mariano  
  
** "Oh my god." It is a thick journal, his journal. On the inside of the front cover, she sees:  
  
** Rory, This is my journal that I kept since I left Starshollow. It's going to be published! When I got the news I told them they had to hold off a couple months on the release, I wanted you to read it before anyone else. After all, without you, it wouldn't exist. I know this won't make up for what I did, and I know that there is no excuse for it, at least for the way I went about it, but maybe it will help you understand. Thank you for everything. Congratulations on Yale and being named valedictorian. I'm really proud of you!  
Jess Mariano  
  
** Rory collapsed on her bed and began to read. **  
  
All I Found Was You  
  
By Jess Mariano  
  
Dedicated to Lorelai Leigh Gilmore. Rory thank you for having faith in me when no one else did. You are my inspiration, my guiding light. I could have never made it this far without you. I started this journey to find  
myself and in the end all I found was you. I hope one day you'll  
understand and forgive me.  
  
** She swallowed hard and turned the page. **  
  
Venice Beach- This place is different from anywhere I've ever been. It's different from the slums of New York City, where I grew up, and different from the safe, cozy town of Starshollow. It's got that small town feel, where everyone knows everyone, just without that same contentment and security. It's a place where you try to sell enough hot dogs or hemp hats too pay the rent and hopefully put a dinner on the table. It's full of desperation, and I am desperate.  
  
I'm keeping this memoir because I'm here searching for something. Since I'm not sure exactly what that is, perhaps if I write all this down and I happen to find it, I won't miss it.  
  
So here I am in a house that could best be described as barn-like, living with the father I never knew, Jimmy, his girlfriend, Sasha and her daughter, Lily. They act like kids, everybody here does. It's not like New York, where everyone was trying to find a way out of a bad situation. These people seem to have a very limited grasp of the concept of responsibility. I think I have just discovered Never Never Land.  
  
I can see now why my father is here. Having a baby at such a young age would have been too much for someone like him. He can barely handle all of Sasha's stray dogs. As far as Lily goes, whenever an issue arises, he's quick to remind Sasha that it's her daughter.  
  
Sasha doesn't seem too happy with my visit. When I got back to the house earlier this evening, I heard them arguing. Jimmy was promising that I'd only be there for a little while and then she let it slip that she was thinking about them planning their own kids, not having his rebellious teenage son show up. I hadn't known they were that serious and obviously neither did Jim because a huge fight ensued. Everything spilled out- "Where would we get the money. We don't have the room. etc." I decided to go back out for the night.  
  
The nice thing about this place is the beach at night. Looking at the stars I can't help thinking about Starshollow. I lived there for about a year and a half with my Uncle Luke. He's probably the best adult figure I've had in my life so far, and our conversations rarely went beyond two sentences each. Yet still I think in many ways he understood me. I wish I had gone there earlier in my life, I'm sure a lot would be different right now.  
  
Luke's a really good guy. He's not really what parents hope for their children to grow up into, but at the same time, if they did, I can't imagine anyone complaining. He's honest and hard working. He's also totally in love and in complete denial. When I left he was dating this lawyer girl. I can't even remember her name now- Nicole I think? Anyway, that's not the girl he's in love with, but maybe it will force him to admit it.  
  
I've been spending a lot of time writing around someone. Her name is Rory Gilmore. She was the reason I should have stayed in Starshollow and also the reason I had to go. She is my reason for living. She is everything to me. When I came to Starshollow I was walking hatred. Everything I saw I pushed away. Everyone who spoke to me received a glare and a smart-ass reply. I was mad at everything and everyone. Then I saw her, and everything changed. I still wasn't ready to open up, wasn't ready to forgive. For some reason, she seemed to understand all of that. I never told her all that I had been through. I never even told her why I was sent there. None of this mattered, because we were soul mates. We had a connection that nobody else could understand. I never told her I was leaving. I didn't know how to explain it to her when I wasn't even sure why I was going. Being here is just something I have to do. I've tried to call her a few times since I've been here but every time I hear her voice I freeze. The last time I called she said she knew it was me. She said she had to move on. She said she wasn't going to pine.  
  
She said she could have loved me.  
  
This was her closure and I feel I should let her have that. I shouldn't call her anymore. The least I can do is allow her to move on with her life. It's just. Never mind I'm pining. I shouldn't. She's probably in Europe right now with her mom. Her mom, Lorelei, is the one that Luke's in love with. I guess it's a genetic weakness we have for those Gilmore Girls. 


	5. I Have Nothing To Offer

Disclaimer: I only own the story that I'm applying to the characters that I don't own from the TV show that I also don't own.  
  
AN: Again thank you all for the encouragement, I love you guys!  
  
Rory hears her mom coming in the house and quickly turns her light off. She was in no mood to talk. She puts the book under her pillow and lies on her side pretending to sleep. Lorelai peeks in the room, sees Rory sleeping and decides not to disturb her. Once Rory no longer hears Lorelai around the house, she turns her reading light back on, pulls out the journal and continues to read.  
  
**  
The fight between Sasha and Jimmy seems to have blown over. She's actually being extra nice to me. I guess she's a little guilty. I opened my own stand on the boardwalk. Iced coffee- Rory would be proud. Her and her mother practically breathed caffeine. She probably used to drink coffee from her bottle. Well anyway, I figured I'm already a burden on Sasha and Jim's relationship I don't want to be a financial burden as well.  
  
When I lived in Starshollow, I was always up to something. I pulled all sorts of pranks- stealing gnomes, chalk outlines with police tape, stealing all of the baseballs Starshollow High owned. I think it was because in a way I was jealous. Those people were all so sheltered. They had never seen the things I saw. Everything seemed to be straight out of a fairytale and it just made me sad. I'm trying to keep a low profile here. I feel almost like if people knew me, the cynical, sarcastic me, they'd exile me. Too grown up an attitude for Never Never Land.  
  
So now I just spend most of my days working, and spend the nights reading and writing on the beach. I am starting to understand why these people live like this. They're all people who are trying to forget something. They live like this in the same manner that I read. Back in New York City, whenever things were bad I'd read to get away from them. It was my escape. I think Lily is getting to be the same way. This new understanding makes me resent Jim a little more than before. He was here trying to forget about me.  
  
The only other person I've ever met that read like me was Rory. God, I can't seem to get that name out of my head. My heart physically hearts without her. No book I have ever read has come even close to accurately portraying this pain so I won't attempt to go into detail. I guess I just feel incomplete. I walk along the boardwalk examining ever girl I see, thinking 'she has Rory's hair, Rory's nose, Rory's smile' but none of them can compare.  
  
I'm trying to stay focused. Focused on whatever it is I came here to do. Some girl actually approached me this afternoon and asked me to go out with her tonight. I just looked at her disapprovingly. She wasn't Rory. Anyway, I have to stay focused.  
  
The good part is I'm getting to know my dad. Slowly, but it's happening. Sometimes he seems scared of me- like at any moment I'm going to explode and try to make him feel the way that I felt all those years he wasn't there. To be honest, sometimes I feel like I should, but then I think he came to me first. That probably means he's struggled with the decision long enough. He was right about one thing he said when I first arrived; he isn't much of a father.  
  
Our relationship is more of roommates, which is all I would really want. I'm not looking for a family situation. I'm past that. If I found it, it would probably just make me sad that I had been missing out all these years. It hit me hard when I found out that he had never graduated high school. Is this what I'll end up like if I give up now? I can't let that happen. My mother had me when they were both seniors in high school. He dropped out to run away and she dropped out to be a mother.  
  
I wonder what my mother was like when I was first born. In my earliest memories she's drunk or high. She couldn't have always been like that, could she? I wish she had just stayed and raised me in Starshollow with Luke and the rest of my family. Everything would be different.  
  
My father and I don't have that much in common. We get along very well, we just have very different interests. He's never read very much, and he isn't very interested in music. Also, no matter what happens, he seems to be very comfortable. Even with Sasha, they met almost six years ago and he hasn't seemed to give marriage any thought. Maybe if I had come straight here from New York I could be more like him- content to just be away from it all. That time in Starshollow killed me. I never knew people could live like that. When I think back it seems like it was all just another book I read with Rory as the beautiful princess that I the poor man with nothing to offer falls for.  
  
I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER.  
  
It is that princess that makes me ache for more than this life. I have seen what else there is and I want to go back. Not yet though. I still have nothing. She'd be starting Yale now and I still have nothing.  
  
** 


	6. Time to Come Home

Disclaimer: I only own the story that I'm applying to the characters that I don't own from the TV show that I also don't own.  
  
AN: Okay sorry it's taken so long to update. I know I suck. I've been kind of busy lately. Um, yeah this chapter is giving you guys a break from the journal, but I am planning on continuing it next time and a something big is going to happen in it.  
  
"Rory?!" Lorelai calls from her daughter's doorway. Rory, sleeping with Jess's journal still open in one hand is unresponsive.  
  
"Rory!" Lorelai tries again a little louder this time.  
  
"Mm?" Rory attempts to answer.  
  
"Rory there's a man on the phone from the Hartford News."  
  
After a moment what her mother has just said registers in her mind. "Oh my god, I'll be right there." Rory, realizing what was still in her hand, attempt to slide it under her pillow without her mother seeing. Lorelai, noticing this, becomes more suspicious of what it is but decides to wait until later to mention it.  
  
"Hello?" Rory says as she picks up the phone.  
  
"Hi, is this Lorelai L. Gilmore?"  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"Hi, this is Vincent Pagano calling from the Hartford news. We received your application and are very interested in meeting you. I was wondering if you would like to set up an interview?"  
  
Rory smiles at Lorelai who is standing close by waiting to hear the results of the phone call. "Yes, an interview would be great." Lorelai starts dancing.  
  
"Well I know it's short notice but are you available today around 3:30?"  
  
Trying not to laugh at Lorelai, Rory responds, "Yeah 3:30 would be fine."  
  
"Alright, when you arrive just ask for me and I'll point you in the right direction. It was nice talking to you, Goodbye Miss Gilmore."  
  
"Thank you very much, bye." As soon as the phone is placed on the receiver the girls hug. "I'm so proud of you!! We have to go shopping this morning for interview clothes! Hurry and shower we don't have much time."  
  
-----  
  
Lorelai walks into the diner. "Coffee." She sits down at the counter.  
  
Luke looks over the counter at her. "What you don't even say 'hi' anymore?"  
  
"I'm sorry. Hello Luke. How are you? Can I please have some coffee?"  
  
Luke sighs and pours her a cup. "So where's Rory?"  
  
"She's at an interview for the Hartford News. She's meeting me here after it. We spent all morning shopping for interview clothes. Refill please."  
  
"Hartford News? Sounds pretty good. That was fast, didn't she just mail out her résumé's when she got home?"  
  
"Yeah, but who wouldn't want to hire her. I'm not sure if you heard me before, I said refill please."  
  
"So, is it weird having her home again?"  
  
"LUUUUUUUKKKKEEEE!!!" She whines, now positive he's ignoring her request.  
  
Jess walks up to the counter. "When did you start torturing the customers?" He asks Luke, trying to ease into direct contact with Lorelai.  
  
Luke glares at Jess. "She's not a customer, she's Lorelai."  
  
Lorelai, forgetting her coffee for a moment studies Jess. 'There's something very different about him. He seems so much more. confident?' "So Jess, you missed the diner life?"  
  
Jess smiles. 'I think that's "what are you're intentions here" in Lorelai language.' But he decides not to offer too much information.  
  
"Something along those lines."  
  
"So you're not going to be taking over Luke's job any time soon?" Content that Lorelai is behaving, Luke walks back into the kitchen.  
  
"I can't say that this would be my life ambition, no." Jess says as he refills her cup.  
  
Lorelai stares at him a moment, barely noticing newly filled cup. "Then what are you doing here?" Her voice isn't mean, isn't even accusing. She almost seems genuinely concerned about him.  
  
Jess looks away. It seemed like such a simple question. What could he really say though? He still wasn't completely sure or the answer, so how could he give her one?  
  
Watching Rory walking towards the door, he says softly, "It was time to come home." Still not meeting Lorelai's eyes he slowly walks upstairs.  
  
"MOM!!!"  
  
Lorelai jumps as she hears her daughter's voice. "Wow, mom, are you okay?"  
  
"Oh yeah, sorry. WELL??? How did it go?"  
  
"I got a job!!" Rory beamed.  
  
As happy as Rory was, there was something weighing on the back of her mind. He was here. She could feel it. She had felt it the second he arrived back in town. She suddenly had a strong urge to find him and tell him that she still felt the same connection that they had been unable to hide when they were seventeen. She wanted to tell him exactly how she felt about everything she had read so far.  
  
"I think I'm going to go back to the house and rest, they called way too early this morning."  
  
Lorelai nods. "Okay, I'll be back in a little while, I think I've been neglecting my torturing of Luke since you've been back."  
  
Rory smiles and leaves. 'I have to know everything before I say anything to him.' After changing into sweatpants and a tank top, she sprawls out on her bed and continues to read. 


	7. Take Me With You

Disclaimer: I only own the story that I'm applying to the characters that I don't own from the TV show that I also don't own.  
  
AN: Ok I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who review me and keep me writing. I really appreciate it. I don't want to be someone who writes out responses to everyone all the time because I've read stories where I get excited because I think that they wrote a lot and half of it is just review responses. So don't think I love you guys any less b/c I don't say much!!! Anyway this chapter is more of the journal!  
  
*** I misjudged this place. It's not all that different from New York City. It's Starshollow on coke. There's a whole underground industry here. When I came home last night, I heard some sniffling from the cabinet under the sink. Knowing that's where Lily hides to read, I went to see what was wrong.  
  
She told me Jim and Sasha had been fighting. She said at first it was just yelling, then they started throwing things and it became physical. I asked what it was about and she said she wasn't sure but she was guessing drugs. I was shocked. I thought it was going to be another fight about me. Looking at Lily I could remember all the times I was in her position with my mother. I asked her if wanted to come with me to sleep on the beach for the night and we did. She curled up on my lap and I held her all night. For the first time, I'm really glad to be here. I don't want this little girl to end up like me.  
  
When we got back this morning, Jim and Sasha were still asleep. I decided to look around to see if I could piece together exactly what happened the night before. I'm not exactly sure what happened next.  
  
I remember finding their stash. The way they kept it I could tell that they both used and sold. Suddenly all I could see was this same white powder on my mother's bathroom floor. I remember her passed out next to it with blood trickling out of her nose. I was only about seven the first time I had come home to this. I remember thinking that she was dead. I was overwhelmed with both fear and relief when I had found her. The slight feeling of relief I had felt in that instance bothered me for a long time. What does that say about me if I was a little relieved thinking my mother was dead. Anyway, when I found her I didn't know what to do so I cleaned the spilled coke off the floor and wiped up all the blood. When she woke up she beat me for throwing away the "perfectly good cocaine" that had been on the floor.  
  
As I stood there, eleven years later yet reliving that day, I began to react in almost the same manner. In reality, I was systematically emptying each container into the toilet and flushing, but in my mind I was simply cleaning up what my mother had spilled on the floor. Then everything went black.  
  
When I woke up, I was still on the bathroom floor. Lily was sitting with me and she had locked us in. Outside, I could hear Sasha and Jimmy arguing again. This time it was about drugs and me. I looked up at Lily and she smiled.  
  
"I'm going to have to leave you know," I told her. She nodded sadly. For a moment I saw a flicker of hope appear in her eyes.  
  
"Take me with you?" she asked shyly. I didn't respond. I wish I could take her to Luke's. She is young enough that Starshollow could still save her. I wondered where her dad is. Had he left her like Jim had left me? I know I can't take her with me, but I can't leave her here either. I can't let her turn into me.  
  
Instead of replying, I reached out to her. She curled up in my arms eager to be consoled. "How about another night on the beach?" I proposed. She smiled in agreement. She ventured out of the bathroom and got my journal and some blankets for us. I climbed out the window and we met on the boardwalk. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow when I have to face Jim. I know I'm not going to be able to stay, but where do I have left to go? *** 


	8. It's Just Not Fair

Disclaimer: I only own the story that I'm applying to the characters that I don't own from the TV show that I also don't own.  
  
When we woke up this morning, Lily went home and I waited on the boardwalk for Jimmy to come to work. When he did come walking up to me, I felt like I did the first day I was here. The man in front of me was once again a stranger to me. I decided to prevent a scene by assuring him that I knew I had to leave.  
  
"I'll be gone before you get home today," I said simply. He nodded. After a moment of silence he spoke.  
  
"I'm sorry." He said sincerely.  
  
"I know." I looked away. I had heard it all before.  
  
"So where are you going to go?" His question was filled with guilt instead of concern.  
  
"Don't know." I honestly didn't.  
  
"Well, I know Liz's parents are gone, but mine aren't. I could give you their address and maybe you could stay there until you figure it out."  
  
"Maybe I will." I felt a little relieved that at least I still had options. Pulling out a pen and paper, he began to write their name and address for me. His actions through this entire encounter were somewhat timid, so I figured it was safe to bring up Lily.  
  
"You know, I can just leave, but you have to do something for Lily."  
  
Jimmy looked up at me confused. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Look, the situation here isn't all that different from what I grew up with. I mean you guys have more money so it is a little easier, but trust me, I've been in her position. I used to be that little kid hiding in a corner, trying to lose myself in a book in order to forget that my mom was in the bedroom shooting up. Don't let her end up like me, save her before it's too late. Do something before she loses all her innocence and replaces it with sarcasm and hate. You have to let her know that there is more to life than this."  
  
"Jess, I'm you're father, but not hers, it's not my place." That was his response to allowing a young girl's life to be ruined. It absolutely floored me.  
  
"First of all, you're more of a father to her than you are to me. A father is someone who's there for you. He helps you out no matter what. You provide for her. You're there for her parent-teacher conferences at school, even if you attend them stoned. So yes, you are her father, and it is your place. As far as I'm concerned, if I were to name who my father's been, I'd say Luke." It was harsh, but at the same time it was true, and we both knew it. "She could come with me to your parents," I added.  
  
"Stay one more night. Leave in the morning. I'll talk to Sasha and see what I can do for Lily." I nodded and turned to head for the bookstore, but he called me again. "One more thing, if you are going to my parents you should know that they don't exactly know about you."  
  
I turned around confused. "Don't know about me as in 'they don't know I'm living here' or as in 'they don't know I exist?'" He looked uncomfortable.  
  
"Jess.it would have broken their hearts." I studied him for a moment before responding. He appeared broken. There was just no other word for him. I could suddenly see how he and my mother had fit so well. I would rather die then end up like either one.  
  
"I'll be by tonight to pack."  
  
I'm trying to wait until at least eleven to go back there. Maybe they'll all be sleeping and I can just pack quietly and get a decent sleep tonight. My grandparents live in Hartford. That's so close to. no. I can't even think about Stars Hollow. I can't think about how living with them would be just a car ride away from her. This is my last chance. These are my last connections. If they'll let me stay, I have to get my act together. I think I'll try to redo twelfth grade, then maybe even apply to a college, if I can save enough money. I have to try. ***  
  
Rory's reading is interrupted by her mother's voice. "Rory? Are you okay? You left in kind of a hurry?" Lorelai peeked her head into Rory's room. Rory turns over toward the door and looks at her mother with a tear stained face.  
  
"Oh, sweetie are you okay?" She walked over and sat on the edge of Rory's bed. Rory burst into tears.  
  
"Mom I just don't get it," she cried.  
  
"Don't get what Rory, what are you reading?"  
  
"Why doesn't anybody want him?" She looked at Lorelai with such helplessness, as though Lorelai should have a genuine answer.  
  
"Want who?"  
  
"Jess. Mom. the package. they're going to publish his journal. He wanted me to be the first to read it, but it's so terrible. His dad was such a jerk and." She couldn't finish the sentence, the tears were coming out too hard now.  
  
Lorelai was surprised. Jess? An author? Impressive. "Rory, I'm sure whatever happened was bad, but you see him here, he made it through. He's a tough kid."  
  
Rory sniffed. "It's just not fair." 


	9. A Better Man

AN: OK I'm soooooooooo sorry it's been sooooooo long. I hurt my arm and couldn't type for a little while and then I moved. I didn't have a computer for a little while so things got delayed further. I'm set up now though so if people still want to hear the story I'll go on. This chapter's short and is just more of the journal but I wanted to just get back into writing mode.  
  
Disclaimer: I only own the story that I'm applying to the characters that I don't own from the TV show that I also don't own.  
  
Once I was sure everyone was asleep, I snuck back into Jimmy's house. When I started to pack my bags for the second time in three months, I noticed a note from Jimmy.  
  
Jess-  
  
Talked to Sasha, you can take Lily. Good  
Luck. Keep in touch.  
Jimmy  
  
I was shocked. That was all he had to say? After all that had happened, he only had fourteen words for me? Well I guess I had been lucky that he left a note this time. Wondering if they even told Lily, I snuck into her room. She was still sleeping. She looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake her. Wanting to leave before sunrise I whispered "Lily wake up."  
  
She opened her eyes slowly at first but when she saw it was me she sat up quickly. "I thought you were gone."  
  
I smiled. "Not without you." Her eyes widened. I think that was the first time I really saw her happy.  
  
"You mean it? You're taking me with you?"  
  
"Yep. Now pack whatever you can carry, I want to be gone before the morning."  
  
While she packed I wrote a letter to Jimmy.  
  
Jimmy,  
I told Lily to pack only what she can carry since we have to take the bus back. I'll write when we get there if all goes well so you can send the rest of her stuff. You know, I'm not sure why I even came here after you. I don't think that I got what I was looking for, but what I got was perhaps more important. I had a hole in my life because my father abandoned me with my drug-addicted mother. This had become my excuse for everything. When I cut school, when I eventually didn't graduate, when I stole or got arrested, it blamed it all on you guys for not caring enough to be there. The I moved to Stars Hollow and fell in love. Rory may not have had things as bad as me, but her father wasn't always there wither. Now she's starting Yale. It made me wonder if there was another way. I was still to blinded by anger to see that maybe I could live like that too. Coming here changed me. Instead of using my regular excuse for where I am right now, I'm leaving here knowing what is really important. I have found love, even though I had to leave her to come here. I will do anything not to end up like you and Liz. I won't resort to selling drugs. I will make something of myself because I still have hope. I have hope for a future and I have hope that one day I can bring that future back with me to share with Rory. I just pray that she'll have me back, however I could never have been the man she needs had I not come. I have a long way to go and if I fail it will be no ones fault but my own. So you don't have to feel obligated to me any longer, if you ever did. As far as "keeping in touch" I do not yet have the strength or time to talk to you if you're still in this state. I cannot afford to associate myself with drug dealers or users. I have to much to lose. I watched drugs ruin everything around me my entire life. I would suggest you and Sasha use this time to get yourselves help. Despite what you may think, I don't hate you anymore. I wish you both the best of luck and would love to hear from you once you have your life together. Thank you, I am leaving here a better man.  
-Jess Mariano  
  
Once we were all packed, we headed for the bus station. Luckily it wasn't long before the bus arrived. I was glad Lily was tired, she had no idea what a long ride it would be. 


	10. Do You Know the Gilmores?

AN: Thank you guys so much for your reviews. That is what makes me want to keep writing. After taking a break (because of an overload of school work) and having people continue to review even though they see that it hasn't been updated in so long I just have to continue.  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own them.  
  
*** When we first arrived, I almost turned around and left. It was a huge Hartford mansion, much like the one Rory's grandparents lived in. If they were anything like them then this couldn't possibly work. I decided no matter what I had to try to get Lily in, so we approached the door. A young lady not much older than me answered.  
  
"May I help you?"  
  
"Um, yes, um is Mr. or Mrs. Mariano here?" I hadn't really thought out what I should say.  
  
"Yes they both are, who may I say wants to see them?"  
  
"I'm Jess and this is Lily. Tell them it is about Jimmy." That should get their attention.  
  
As the girl walked away, Lily grabbed my hand. "It's like a princess's castle," she whispered. I smiled at her. I couldn't imagine living somewhere like this at her age.  
  
A moment later the girl returned. "Follow me, they were just about to eat dinner."  
  
We followed her through the house and into the dining room. It was really a beautiful house. I took notice of how although it was decorated in the same expensive luxurious manner that Rory's grandparents' house was, somehow it gave a much warmer feeling. When we got into the dining room, seated at the table were my grandparents. I could see the resemblance to my father in both of them. They were younger than I expected, probably about mid-fifties. Just as I was about to introduce us, my grandfather cut me off.  
  
"You two look like you've traveled a long way. If this isn't a matter of urgency, perhaps you would join us for dinner, and afterward we could talk whatever business you bring? Mrs. Mariano makes an exquisite pot roast."  
  
This took me of guard. I was worried about being allowed to stay long enough for me to explain the whole situation and now they're inviting us, two perfect strangers, to eat with them first? I glanced at Lily and she looked thrilled at the suggestion. I smiled at them.  
  
"Dinner would be wonderful, as long as it is no inconvenience." My grandmother looked excited. "Of course it wouldn't! Anyway, it's been so long since there's been younger people around here."  
  
With that, we ate. I couldn't help but be shocked at how nice they were. All through dinner, we talked. I tried to be as nice as possible, letting only one or two sarcastic remarks slide through. After all, they would me the real me eventually. Lily was very quiet but that was only because she seemed so amazed by everything around her. I don't think she's ever left Venice Beach.  
  
After dinner was done, I knew it was time. They suggested that Lily go watch some television so that we could talk. My grandfather started off.  
  
"So, Jess, it looks like you've made a long journey to tell us something about our son. It must be very important." They were both looking at me expectantly.  
  
I took a deep breath and began. "Well I'm not sure how exactly to tell you this, so I'm just going to start at the beginning. Jimmy's my father."  
  
Their shock was obvious. "But. how.. when.. who. and Lily?"  
  
I continued, "No, not Lily, only me. Lily fits into all of this but I'll get to that. I don't know if you knew her or not but my mother is Liz Danes. When she got pregnant, Jimmy left. She took me to NYC and tried to raise me there. She spent her time with drugs, alcohol and abusive boyfriends, and so I was mostly in and out of trouble my whole life. At one point about two years ago, after one of her boyfriends got into a fight with me, she sent me to Stars Hollow, where she was from to lie with my uncle. I just couldn't seem to fit there so when Jimmy showed up one day I took off. Jimmy didn't actually say more than a few words to me then, partially because Luke kicked him out, but after he left, I followed him. I went to where he is living in California with his girlfriend and asked if I could just stay for a little while. At first it was really nice, getting to know my father, but then I found out what was really going on there. I know this is going to upset you but they are all really into drugs there. Selling them and using them. I had some kind of flashback breakdown and dumped their entire stash. Well basically I couldn't stay after that and Jimmy, in his guilt, suggested I come to see you." I took a second to breathe before going on. I was a little nervous because the two of them hadn't moved or spoken since I began. "Lily is Sasha's daughter. I told them they had to do something for her because I didn't want her to go through all that I did. They said she could come with me, maybe so that they could have time to clean up, or maybe just to relieve their burden. I don't really know why they gave in so easily, but for her sake I'm glad they did."  
  
Mr. Mariano spoke first. "Wow. Well it certainly explains a lot." Him and Mrs Mariano exchanged a look that I couldn't quite read. "Tell me, Jess, what exactly are your intentions then? Are you two looking for a home? Money?"  
  
I gave this some thought for a few moments. I hadn't really thought the whole thing through. I also hadn't thought about how much it really is to ask someone to take in two strangers. "Please do not feel pressured, I know this is a lot to ask. Lily really needs a home, and I would just like to see her living with family, or people close to that, over seeing her in a foster home. As for me, I need a different sort of thing from you. While I do need somewhere to stay for a little while, a place where I can straighten my life out and make something of myself, I also need to know my roots. I want to know where I come from, I want to know that there are more good people in my family than just one uncle."  
  
I could see my grandmother somewhere between tears and a smile. My grandfather looked pensive. Finally she spoke. "Jess I think Mr. -uh - your grandfather and I need to have a long talk. Why don't you go check on Lily?" I nodded and went to find her.  
  
"So Lil, what do you think?"  
  
She smiled mischievously. "Do you know how many channels these people have??" I laughed. It was about time she acted her age.  
  
About two full hours later, my grandparents came in to join us. They looked content.  
  
My grandmother spoke first. "You two have been through a lot. We talk, we called Jimmy, and then we talked again. We would like to invite you two to stay, for as long as you need."  
  
Lily's eyes widened, "You mean." She ran over and hugged them, then bounced her way back to my lap.  
  
Mr. Mariano spoke next. "Of course, there are plenty of details to be worked out, but I suppose that we'll take them as they come up. Lily, tomorrow we will go straight to the elementary school and Jess, are you still in high school?"  
  
"Well yes. I ran into problems my senior year of Starshollow and I didn't end up graduating."  
  
"Ok well then we will swing by the high school as well. We are prepared to do everything in our power to help you two."  
  
I didn't have the right words for these people. How could two people be so generous to two complete strangers? I guess Luke had been the same way, I wish I had realized it then. Maybe I had, it's just so hard to express. "Thank you so much," was all I had for them. It seemed to be enough.  
  
"So, on now that business is done, you say you were in Stars Hollow for a time?" My grandmother looked excited.  
  
"Yeah, about a year and a half"  
  
"How nice! I've been there once or twice. Do you know the Gilmores?" 


	11. The Sun Also Rises

"So, now that business is done, you say you were in Stars Hollow for a time?" My grandmother looked excited.  
  
"Yeah, about a year and a half"  
  
"How nice! I've been there once or twice. Do you know the Gilmores?"  
  
My face must have dropped because she looked surprised at my reaction. I quickly tried to cover by responding, "Um.. yeah.. well I mean.. it is a very small town."  
  
Not wanting to pressure me she let the topic drop.  
  
--------------------------------------------------(next entry)-------------- -------------  
Today was my first full day here. We actually got a lot accomplished. This morning we took Lily to a nearby private elementary school. It was an amazing place. Somehow it seemed to stress learning, making its students more advanced than other schools, and at the same time it was set up to allow them to still be kids. Next we went to the high school division of this school and had I had a meeting there. Even with my grades and past performance they allowed me the chance to prove myself. I had to take a couple of test that I thought were really easy and then I had an interview. The interview went amazing. We talked books, ideas and I got the chance to show them that I was taking things seriously now. Well, me and Lily both start school tomorrow.  
  
The best part is my schedule. The first half of the year I will be finishing what I need to graduate high school and the second half I will be in college level courses. These credits should transfer to almost any college so if I do decide to go to college I won't be too far behind. The classes themselves are on a much higher level than those I took at Stars Hollow High or at the school I occasionally attended in New York. I'm somewhat excited about this fact because I will actually be challenged and therefore I will have the ambition to try.  
  
After dinner, my grandfather had to get some work done and Lily was in her new room reading. I decided it would be a good time to try to learn more about my grandmother. I found her in the kitchen.  
  
"Coffee?" she offered.  
  
"Sure.. um I'll get it though," I really am trying to stay out of there way. I don't want them to suddenly realize that all this is too much and ask us to go.  
  
"Don't be silly, have a seat. I absolutely love cooking. All the ladies around here think I'm absolutely insane for it. They just can't understand why I don't hire a cook. They all have them, even Emily Gilmore keeps getting them, even if they only last a few days." I could see her studying me as she said this. I realized then that she must have the same group of friends as Emily. So that's how she knew the Gilmores.  
  
"Okay sweetie, spill it." She jolted me back to the conversation.  
  
"What?" I said a little too naively. She knew something was up but how could I just open up about all of it to her? How could I open up to anyone?  
  
She sighed. "Look Jess I know that there's a story here somewhere. I also know that you're not about to let anyone in on it. I will get you to open up eventually, at least a little bit. I'm going to take a guess that I may not want to mention you if Emily is around, which is more often than I would like. I want you to know that if and when you want to talk about it or anything else that you've been through, I'm going to be here to listen. I know you're having a hard time trusting people. I can't blame you for that after all that you've been through. But please believe me, I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you. We're not going to give up on you."  
  
I glanced away from her. I could tell that she meant it. Unfortunately her meaning it at that moment doesn't make it the truth. There had been plenty of sober moments when my mom had cried to me and promised she'd change, that we could be a family. She had really meant it those times as well, she just changed her mind an hour later when the liquor stores opened.  
  
"Listen, I have a hard time talking about things, I mean real things. You ask me about a book or a band and I could talk with you about it for hours. It's just when it comes to real life.. I .. it's just.."  
  
"It's too painful." She finished for me. I didn't have to tell her that she was right.  
  
Suddenly she smiled at me. "Come here I want to show you something that your father never cared for but I have a feeling you're going to like.  
  
I followed her down a narrow hallway and up some stairs. I could definitely get lost in this house. She led me down another hallway and then turned excitedly towards me. "Right in here."  
  
We walked into a room that may as well have been a library. There were endless shelves of books lining the walls and many freestanding bookcases as well. There was also a huge bay window deep enough to sit in. The window had an amazing view. I walked up to the first bookshelf and pulled out a random book. I read the cover and almost smiled. "The Sun Also Rises" I read aloud. "Heh" My grandmother smiled as well. "Maybe it does," I said more to myself than anything. 


	12. I understand

AN: hey hey.. yeah it's been awhile. I hate school..sigh.. Thank all of you guys who review.. it sounds cliché but it really does make me write faster. okay so here it is.. the next installment.  
  
I had my first day of school today. It was actually not too bad. The classes themselves are pretty interesting and the teachers really seem to care about their students. Rory would love this school. I tried to mostly stay to myself, spending lunch armed with music and books. A couple people tried to talk to me but I did my best to discourage people from it. The people around here all seem to fit into one of three categories.  
  
The first group is the people who have been raised to be perfect models of their rich, boring, proper parents. The second group is the spoiled out of control rich kids. They take all their parents money and spend it on whatever they feel at the moment. When they are out drinking and crash the brand new BMW their parents bought them for their birthday, their parents, saying they are just being teenagers, by them a new one. The last group is those people who are unhappy children of rich overbearing parents. They try to rebel in their own ways and constantly vow to never under any circumstances end up like their parents.  
  
Personally I can't really relate to any of these people. ---------------------------  
  
Rory glanced up from the book to look at the time. Sighing, she closed it and put it in the bag she prepared to bring to work tomorrow. Deciding that since tomorrow would be her first day she should go to sleep she reached over and turned off the light. Of course after all she had so far read, sleep would not be peaceful.  
  
Rory closed the journal and glanced at the clock. 3:23 AM. She had finally finished it and this gave her the urgency to go find him, to tell him that she finally understood that he had to go, that it would be selfish of her to be mad about it. She got up out of her bed, threw on a pair of jeans and a simple red tank top, and headed out the door. When she arrived at the diner, everything was dark. Not wanting to disturb Luke, if at all possible, she found the spare key and let herself in.  
  
As she made her way through the dark diner, she realized that is was a bit silly for her to be there. What she had to say to him could surely wait until morning, couldn't it? As she was about to turn back around, the urgency in her that had made her jump out of bed to begin with became much stronger. 'Okay, okay,' she told herself, 'he might think I'm crazy after this but I have to do it now.' She quietly went up the stairs and entered the apartment. Tiptoeing through the rooms she couldn't find Jess anywhere.  
  
Puzzled, she went back through the diner and outside. It was fairly warm out so she decided to check the bridge. As she got closer she began walking faster and faster until she finally broke into a run. Rory continued to run until she got about five feet away from the bridge. There she stopped dead in her tracks.  
  
Lying across the bridge was a completely motionless body. She would have assumed he was sleeping, but in the moonlight she could see that blood had dripped into the water underneath.  
  
As tears poured out of her eyes, she ran to him and clutched his body. She knew it was too late for help. After what seemed like hours of just holding him and crying, she began to scream between her sobs. "No Jess... no... it isn't fair...you can't leave me here...it isn't fair... please... I came to tell you... I understand...I love you...please god no..."  
  
"RORY, RORY!!" Rory jumped as she realized it was Lorelai.  
  
"Mom?" Looking around, Rory realized she was in bed still. "Mom!! It was a dream!" Her mom just stared at her completely confused and still worried.  
  
Realizing she was actually crying, Rory hugged her mom and tried to explain. "Mom it was a horrible dream. I went to find Jess and he wasn't there and then I found him but it was too late..." she blurted out in one breath. She couldn't seem to stop crying.  
  
"Honey it was just a dream. Calm down. You need to get back to sleep. You have to get up for work in a little while. We'll go have breakfast before you have to go in and you can tell me all about it. Okay?" She ran her hands through her daughter's hair to try to calm her down.  
  
Rory began to nod in agreement until she looked at the clock on her nightstand. 3:23. Her eyes widened in panic. "Oh my God."  
  
She jumped up and headed towards the door, this time not caring she was wearing purple pajamas with pink pigs all over them. "Mom I just.. I just .. I have to go. I'll be right back.."  
  
She was out the door before Lorelai could even open her mouth to voice her argument. 


End file.
